The Night We Thought We Might Lose Our Boy
26h June 2016 will always be a night to remember. I wish I could say it was a good night worth remembering, but it was far from that. In fact, it was a lesson learnt a very hard way. I will never forget the scene, what I felt and how I thought I was losing my baby.
Over the weekend, Isaac was diagnosed with herpangina – a condition which causes blister-like ulcers all over his mouth. He was feeding poorly and was strictly on liquid diet due to the extreme pain he was going through. After some anti-viral and pain relief medication, his milk intake gradually improved. On Sunday night, after he managed to finish his bottle of milk in bed, he wanted to crawl over to his daddy to show him that he had finish the milk. Daddy’s back was facing him, and I had turned to look for his milk bottle cap. The moment I turned my gaze back to him, I witnessed his hands slipping and he fell – head first. Everything happened in just that split second. We did not see how he landed, did not see if he had hit his head, or if he broke the fall with his hands.
As we rushed to pick him up from the ground, his cries were weak, face white, lips blue. We were uncertain if he was hurt badly or in shock because we could not find any injuries on him. But when his daddy carried him, I noticed that Isaac was losing consciousness. We knew at that moment we must bring him to the hospital immediately.
The whole time in the car we were trying to keep Isaac awake and he was fighting the urge to shut his eyes. As I was singing ‘the wheels of the bus’ to him, I could feel his body going limp. He was not responding to our calls and I would lift him up whenever his eyes started to close. I started smacking his thighs just so he would stay awake but he did not react to that either. So many thoughts in my mind and I kept praying and begging God not to take him away from us. That 20min drive to the hospital, felt like forever.
When we arrived at the a&e, we rushed to the triage without even getting a queue number. All I wanted was the assurance that Isaac was going to be okay. He was given a blue tag on his right leg which acts as an express pass to see the doctor immediately. When he met the doctor, he had recovered slightly. He started to move his limbs a little and could manage a weak smile. However, we were still advised to admit him for the night for observations.
We got to our ward about midnight and had to wait for the neurologist to come by before letting Isaac sleep. Truth be told, we were actually afraid to let him sleep. We wanted to keep him awake for as Long as he can because it was a form of comfort to us both. His daddy got him some toys from a shop downstairs, and got himself many cans of coffee to keep himself awake so he can watch after Isaac throughout the night. Isaac was starting to resume to his normal self by exploring the ward and telling us to ‘go there’ so he could look out of the window. When the neuro came to check on Isaac, he could even give high fives and played with the doctor. We were relieved when the doc said that Isaac is fine and we should not have to worry about any Internal bleeding since he is still active. The observations will be carried out every hour by the nurses to make sure that Isaac is okay throughout the night. They will need to take his heartbeat, blood pressure, temperature and check his pupils to ensure he is still responsive.
The husband and I hardly slept that night. While he sat by Isaac’s cot and I laid at the sofa, I was certain we were thinking the same thing – what if we did not manage to keep Isaac awake during the trip to the hospital? We would have lost the love of our lives due to our sheer negligence. The amount of guilt we felt cannot be described. That night, I cried myself to sleep.
In the morning, the doctors assessed Isaac and told us that he is fit to go home. We just have to monitor him for the next few days for any abnormalities and be careful that he does not hit his head.
As much as I would like to think that it was an accident, and that no one is really to be blamed for it, I knew for a fact that if I had not diverted my attention to get the bottle cover, I could have prevented that fall. I could have. But there is really no point thinking about the what-ifs and should-haves when what happened already happened.
?Lesson learnt – Baby before anything else. #importantnotetoself